Spotting Subtle ADHD Symptoms in Girls: A Parent's Guide

Common perceptions about what attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, looks like—have left many girls undiagnosed. For years, ADHD researchers primarily studied and diagnosed hyperactive boys. However, hyperactivity is not the only presentation of ADHD. In fact, a different presentation of ADHD, predominantly inattentive ADHD, is more common in girls. Her brain may be going a million miles a minute, but she might not show it. This can lead to missing her ADHD diagnosis. However, you can spot the signs of ADHD in your daughter if you know what to look for. So, what are the subtle ADHD symptoms of girls?

Subtle ADHD Symptoms:

Girls with ADHD do not always show all of these symptoms nor do they all experience all of these symptoms. To be clear, they can show any combination of these symptoms or others. Let’s dive into some of the more subtle ADHD symptoms.

Daydreaming

If your daughter daydreams often or you catch her “zoning out,” that can be a sign she has ADHD. Because ADHD brains process information differently, she may not be fully tuned in when you talk to her. She may forget things you’ve said or even whole conversations. She may have difficulty following the conversation even when you talk to her directly. And she’ll also struggle to remember instructions, especially in the right order.

Distractibility

Distractibility and inattention are closely linked, but the two have a clear difference. Inattention is internal when the mind wanders to other thoughts instead of paying attention. On the other hand, distractibility comes from outside sources. For example, conversations and noise are hard to filter out with inattentive ADHD. And even small things can grab her attention, making it difficult for her to focus on what’s at hand. Your daughter may set out to do one activity but get sidetracked by something else.

Scenario:

Your daughter sits down to do her homework but realizes she doesn’t have a pen.
She gets up to find a pen and sees the markers she thought she lost.
So, she takes the markers back to where they belong and notices a candy wrapper.
She decides she needs a snack.
She goes to the kitchen for a snack and throws out the candy wrapper.
But she realizes the trash is full and plans to empty it.
Then she looks around to see if any more trash is lying around.
She notices the dishwasher, which reminds her it needs emptying, and remembers you told her to do that.
Immediately, she abandons the idea to empty the trash and starts to dump the dishwasher.

The homework is completely forgotten. And she’s exhausted and feeling demoralized because she hasn’t completed any of the tasks she set out to do.

Emotional Sensitivity

Girls with ADHD are also sensitive and prone to feeling overwhelmed. Your daughter may overreact to things you don’t think are a big deal. But they are a big deal to her and could be a clue about ADHD. Think about how she reacts to minor inconveniences. Does she have a lot of emotional outbursts or say hurtful things she regrets? Sometimes, girls are considered “drama queens” or “high-maintenance” when they really are in distress due to undiagnosed ADHD.

Poor Self-Esteem

Misunderstood or undiagnosed inattentive ADHD in girls can deeply affect their emotional well-being. People may characterize her as lazy, argumentative, messy, incapable, annoying, dramatic, etc. To avoid negative attention and fit in, they may mask their struggles and bury their feelings. Hiding their authentic selves can cause them to doubt their self-worth, believing people only accept them when they work hard to be something they’re not.

Socially Awkward

Girls with ADHD often have poor impulse control, and they may say or do things without thinking. She’ll have difficulty with surface-level conversations and may interrupt people or overshare. At school, her classmates might find her bossy and avoid her. Or they may ignore her because she acts very shy. Often, ADHD girls struggle to fit in and have few friends or find it hard to make friends. Although she may not be an outcast, she is at high risk for social rejection and bullying.

Perfectionism

Many girls with inattentive ADHD become perfectionists to deal with anxiety and to please other people. Unfortunately, this only creates more problems. They can get “stuck” on minor details and become very upset when things don’t go to plan. When ADHD girls set impossibly high standards for themselves, they set themselves up for “failure in their eyes”. Unable to meet their own expectations, girls develop anxiety and internalize feelings of failure.

Disorganization

They have a hard time with organization and keeping up with their belongings. Her backpack is overflowing with who knows what, to say nothing of her room. It’s a disaster area. She may start cleaning her room only to find something she thought she’d lost. Of course, cleaning is promptly forgotten as she is distracted by the new discovery.

Losing Belongings

She’ll have difficulty keeping track of things, even things that are very important to her. For example, she may lose a favorite toy. It can look like she doesn’t care, but it isn’t that. Because of poor working memory, she might have forgotten where she put it. Or she might have “milk in the cupboard syndrome.” In other words, putting something down in a completely silly location, like keys in the fridge because your mind was elsewhere. It wasn’t paying attention. It happens a lot with inattentive type ADHD.

Forgetful

ADHD impairs working memory and the processing and storage of information. So, you might find yourself constantly reminding your daughter to do what she should already be doing. For example, she might need help remembering her bedtime routine. Or, she may change into her pajamas but forget to brush her teeth. Your daughter may forget why she came into a room or what she was doing. On that note, she may also forget words or thoughts, even in the midst of saying them.

Trouble with Tasks

She’ll likely have difficulty with tasks and motivation. Is it hard to get your daughter to do something she doesn’t want to do? Like something that appears hard or boring. Although it might be stubbornness, it could also be ADHD. Altered motivation makes task initiation difficult, especially tasks they don’t want to do in the first place. But, once she’s involved in something, she’ll likely have trouble stopping. Unexpected breaks and task transitions are also difficult and unsettling for girls with ADHD.

Difficulty Maintaining Focus

Your daughter may also avoid activities that need her sustained attention. Things like complicated problem-solving or long reading assignments. She’ll lose interest quickly and may comment that “it’s too hard.” Even when she likes doing something, focusing and staying on task is difficult for girls with inattentive ADHD.

Other ADHD Symptoms:

If your daughter has ADHD, she may show some or all of these symptoms. She may also show other symptoms. Even predominantly inattentive type ADHD can have some signs of physical hyperactivity. So, these are some other signs you may see in girls with ADHD:

Very fidgety or restless
Moving at inappropriate times
Worries about little things and cries a lot
Difficulty going to sleep
Sensory issues, like intolerance to certain sounds or textures
Gets bored quickly
Nail biting and picking

Summary of ADHD Symptoms in Girls

ADHD symptoms can be subtle in girls and may be attributed to behavior issues and personality quirks. But you know better now. You have the awareness and tools to watch for subtle signs of ADHD. If she’s showing these symptoms, get her evaluated sooner rather than later. Remember, she may have any combination of symptoms. So, if you have even a slight suspicion, screen her. Early recognition and support can make all the difference in girls with ADHD. And you’ll get the tools and understanding to advocate for your daughter and help her thrive.

Think your daughter may be showing signs of ADHD? Screen her for free.

Free ADHD Screening Checklist for Young Girls